(As, O Tannenbaum)
O Buncom Town, sweet Buncom Town
The stars of Applegate look down
On council members grave and great
Who argue, whine and obfuscate.
O Buncom Town, Great Buncom Town,
We'll never fuss or even frown.
Our Mayor gives us good advice,
Someone should sell it by the slice.
His speech is welcomed by the throng,
It's sometimes witty, always long.
O Buncom Town our Buncom Town
We'll never leave -- we'd rather drown.
Our Baroness, so elegant
We think she's getting decadent.
The peasantry with jaws ajar
All wonder how she goes so far.
Commissioner of Public Works
All his recruits are total jerks
He hires nephews, cousins, chums
Who saw and nail and hit their thumbs.
O Buncom Town, large Buncom Town
Look out -- your buildings falling down.
We have a Crier in this town.
She gets the news and writes it down.
She tells who drinks, who flirts with wives,
She chronicles our sordid lives.
We have a singer, Gentle Ben,
He'll find the pitch -- we don't know when.
He sings of blighted love and strife.
It makes you want to take your life.
O Buncom Town, your noble fame
Makes Ruch and Medford bow in shame.
Since living here is such a thrill
We thumb our nose at Jacksonville.
While Ashland yearns for Shakespeare's time
And milks the tourists of each dime
In Buncom we live pleasantly
Secure in total snobbery.
Our water's just as clear as gin,
And less conducive far to sin.
Our air is sweet and very pure --
As to our hearts -- we're not too sure.
So here we live in amity
Bogged down in genteel poverty
But we'll stay here through best or worse
You've got our hearts but not our purse.
O Buncom you're out in the cold
Since Gin Lin left with all the gold.
[All stand. Gentlemen will please remove their hats.]
Now citizens of all degree
In song we'll pledge our loyalty.
Though heaven would give to us a crown,
We'd chuck it all for Buncom Town.
Oh Buncom Town, strange Buncom Town,
You're just bizarre, you've missed renown.