Buncom Anthem, by J. B. Roberts

 (As, O Tannenbaum)

O Buncom Town, sweet Buncom Town

The stars of Applegate look down

On council members grave and great

Who argue, whine and obfuscate.

O Buncom Town, Great Buncom Town,

We'll never fuss or even frown.

Our Mayor gives us good advice,

Someone should sell it by the slice.

His speech is welcomed by the throng,

It's sometimes witty, always long.

O Buncom Town our Buncom Town

We'll never leave -- we'd rather drown.

Our Baroness, so elegant

We think she's getting decadent.

The peasantry with jaws ajar

All wonder how she goes so far.

Commissioner of Public Works

All his recruits are total jerks

He hires nephews, cousins, chums

Who saw and nail and hit their thumbs.

O Buncom Town, large Buncom Town

Look out -- your buildings falling down.

We have a Crier in this town.

She gets the news and writes it down.

She tells who drinks, who flirts with wives,

She chronicles our sordid lives.

We have a singer, Gentle Ben,

He'll find the pitch -- we don't know when.

He sings of blighted love and strife.

It makes you want to take your life.

O Buncom Town, your noble fame

Makes Ruch and Medford bow in shame.

Since living here is such a thrill

We thumb our nose at Jacksonville.

While Ashland yearns for Shakespeare's time

And milks the tourists of each dime

In Buncom we live pleasantly

Secure in total snobbery.

Our water's just as clear as gin,

And less conducive far to sin.

Our air is sweet and very pure --

As to our hearts -- we're not too sure.

So here we live in amity

Bogged down in genteel poverty

But we'll stay here through best or worse

You've got our hearts but not our purse.

O Buncom you're out in the cold

Since Gin Lin left with all the gold.

[All stand.  Gentlemen will please remove their hats.]

Now citizens of all degree

In song we'll pledge our loyalty.

Though heaven would give to us a crown,

We'd chuck it all for Buncom Town.

Oh Buncom Town, strange Buncom Town,

You're just bizarre, you've missed renown.